For flips sake! Turns out that whilst I was snuggled up in bed with Percy munching on rice and watching 'Escape from New York', the American girls arrived and upped the ante. Whilst we sipped tea discussed Snake Plisskins role in educating the 80's Americans of the dangers of fundamentalist theocracy, the others had all stripped off and continued the pool party butt naked until 5 in the morning. Whilst Percy and I were tucked up and quietly snoring away dreaming of the green pastures of merry old blighty. Just outside our door we had unrivaled sexual shenanigans going on! On the bright side though we have no hangover whilst I am looking at the Welsh who have collapsed in a state of disarray on the airport seating. It is questionable whether or not they are still breathing.

Leaving Cochin now, we've had a pleasant few days relaxing by the pool and dining on fine food. The welsh gave us a cracking send off yesterday with a midday pool party, resulting in the usual debauchery one would expect. Ultimately the frivolities had to cease when a bottle of gin was smashed in the paddling pool section. Percy and I withdrew sozzled to watch escape from New York and consume food stuffs whilst the Welsh continued with round 2 in the pool.

So Percy continued valiantly in his attempt to woo said anonymous hot chick. Meanwhile, I joined the Eton boys in a pool invasion. Lovely water until we were ejected by hotel staff. They used the traditional bovine tactic of forming a circle and staring until you get the flip out. This worked wonders and I retreated to inform Percy who was blissfully unaware and uninterested in the increasingly annoyed boyfriend of said female. So I grabbed Dr. Nic, and we went for round 2 in the pool. Came back and Percy was busy dancing so joined him to the MJ soundtrack. A ton of naked Etonites stormed the ** some text is missing **

Ffs! After his little BJ fiasco Percy appears dead set of scoring with a ridiculously hot beastie! This is not cricket, I'm about to explode with rage unless the fates set me on a similar course. Or unless some one buys me a beer, that would also be acceptable.

So a few moments of controversy with our DJ, namely with the appalling RnB that he insists on playing every other song. Also with Bon Jovi who rocks - but not according to big man Percy who remained clamped to his chair. So Greg and I gripped his chair and carried them both to the centre of the mosh where after a lap dance from some random brunette he loosened up considerably.

Now Vishnu has just cut off a mans head for trying to bag his Tranny. Apparently this is the condensed version of the performance, the full version lasts seven days. Ffs, I'm off to the bar.

Now Visnu is trying to seduce the tranny. Religions around the world have shown gods displaying a lack of taste in sexual partners and this is not the first example. The Greek Gods (and there renamed Roman carbon copies) were partial to a bit of bestiality. Mary had an affair with the Holy Ghost (or whatever his name was). To my knowledge however, this is the first example I've seen of an omnipresent being mistaking a man for a woman.

Arrived at the victory party, being a bit low in cash, Dr. Nic and I bought beers from the pint parlor for 50 rupees each and then flogged them on the party boat for 100 rupees. Percy was in awe at my enterprising spirit and has gratefully begun drinking our profits with gusto.

So Percy and I just had a discussion on what exactly warrants being 'culturally sensitive'. In my opinion it means wearing yellow, smoking pot and saying peace a lot. In Percys eyes it is not photographing the natives when they are being ridiculous. Just watched the worlds most ridiculous martial arts display, some quite frankly appalling dancing, some music that lacks rhythm, melody or vocal talent and finally a tranny in a massive dress do a display of facial features. Now we are watching the Tranny try and screw Vishnu. Quite how this kind of heresy is allowed I'll never no. Thankfully Vishnu seems about as interested in the tranny as we are.

so a few of the other teams rocked up today. We've been waiting since 10am for them and at 7.30pm we are too drunk to wait any more. Congrats to the teams who arrived today (except for the skanks who cheated by getting the train - you know who you are!). See you tomorrow, to those who are yet to arrive - by rickshaw!